Tuesday, March 16, 2004
The solution to all our problems
The Total Information Awareness bill, and the PATRIOT act that reorganizes a huge chunk of government bureaucracies into one immensely overinflated government bureaucracy, these are part of the Bush administration’s attempt to create a more responsive, proactive government that wields greater power over the American people, for its own good of course.
However, in all this government upgrading, there is one desperately needed post that has not yet been filled, a post which is of vital importance in maintaining the balance of our national sanity.
What we need is someone who can bring things to rights when they get off kilter, someone who can see instantly through the excuses, the make-wrongs, the whining, the fibs, the general B.S. Someone who rules with an iron hand and is not misled by cries of “He started it!” or “I didn’t do it!” Someone who can balance the books and put a firm hand on over-spending; who can put misbehaving persons on notice until they figure out how to act civilized. Someone who will quell lies with an eagle-like glare and worm out the truth from even the most recalcitrant.
What this nation desperately needs, particularly given the current administration in Washington, is a White House Mom.
The post should be open to any one of any creed, colour, or gender. There is no real reason why a White House Mom couldn’t be a man. However, on the other hand, the government is largely in the hands of men right now and I don’t see any of them performing the above duties. All that aside, White House Mom is a position of extreme national importance, and the method of choosing the candidate would need to be carefully considered.
First of all, no one in the administration would be permitted to have any say in the decision. This is obvious, as the White House Mom is senior to all of these positions, including, of course, the President. Furthermore, the candidate would have to be elected by the public at large, by a gross national vote (not state-by-state), so as to be determined entirely by raw numbers. No contributions to the White House Mom’s campaigns would be permitted from any source; a reasonable set-aside would be made from public funds on a federal and perhaps on local levels, for a modest campaign for each applicant up to a number of five finalists. Choice of the finalists might be conducted on TV by telethon, by a process of elimination over a period of weeks, then having the final national election. No large PR firms would be permitted to be involved in the campaign advertising; very strict guidelines for the campaign advertising would be demanded, including no music, no flag-waving, no fancy graphics, just the candidate talking about his or her ideas and goals for the job. The whole business must be kept on as amateurish and home-grown a level as mothering always, at its best, is.
The White House Mom may not have any party affiliation but must run on personal qualities and beliefs alone. Political issues not related to the White House Mom’s specific duties would not be allowed to be discussed in the election - questions such as opinions on security, abortion, crime, the environment, taxes, etc., would be entirely irrelevant to the job. The White House Mom’s task is purely to keep the brats in Washington in line and doing their jobs - which do involve dealing with the above political issues. Currently, there is no one in Washington preventing the administration, or the Congress and Senate for that matter, from neglecting its homework, running off to play with naughty corporations, starting gang wars, piling up bills on other people's credit cards, and fooling around with drugs, chemical weapons, and guns.
Above all, the White House Mom would see to it that politicians kept their election promises. What if George Bush actually was forced to be the “compassionate conservative” and “uniter, not divider” that he gleefully sold himself as before the election? “Now George, you know you promised. You get in there and do what you said you would do, and none of this slacking off just pretending to do it!”
The White House Mom would be the voice of ethics in a milieu that hasn’t the faintest conception of the meaning of the word. Maybe, after s/he knocked enough heads together enough times they would get the idea, and might eventually become ready to move out into the real world and act like real adults. As it is, I don’t think very many of them would survive for long without their current generous unearned allowances.
The Total Information Awareness bill, and the PATRIOT act that reorganizes a huge chunk of government bureaucracies into one immensely overinflated government bureaucracy, these are part of the Bush administration’s attempt to create a more responsive, proactive government that wields greater power over the American people, for its own good of course.
However, in all this government upgrading, there is one desperately needed post that has not yet been filled, a post which is of vital importance in maintaining the balance of our national sanity.
What we need is someone who can bring things to rights when they get off kilter, someone who can see instantly through the excuses, the make-wrongs, the whining, the fibs, the general B.S. Someone who rules with an iron hand and is not misled by cries of “He started it!” or “I didn’t do it!” Someone who can balance the books and put a firm hand on over-spending; who can put misbehaving persons on notice until they figure out how to act civilized. Someone who will quell lies with an eagle-like glare and worm out the truth from even the most recalcitrant.
What this nation desperately needs, particularly given the current administration in Washington, is a White House Mom.
The post should be open to any one of any creed, colour, or gender. There is no real reason why a White House Mom couldn’t be a man. However, on the other hand, the government is largely in the hands of men right now and I don’t see any of them performing the above duties. All that aside, White House Mom is a position of extreme national importance, and the method of choosing the candidate would need to be carefully considered.
First of all, no one in the administration would be permitted to have any say in the decision. This is obvious, as the White House Mom is senior to all of these positions, including, of course, the President. Furthermore, the candidate would have to be elected by the public at large, by a gross national vote (not state-by-state), so as to be determined entirely by raw numbers. No contributions to the White House Mom’s campaigns would be permitted from any source; a reasonable set-aside would be made from public funds on a federal and perhaps on local levels, for a modest campaign for each applicant up to a number of five finalists. Choice of the finalists might be conducted on TV by telethon, by a process of elimination over a period of weeks, then having the final national election. No large PR firms would be permitted to be involved in the campaign advertising; very strict guidelines for the campaign advertising would be demanded, including no music, no flag-waving, no fancy graphics, just the candidate talking about his or her ideas and goals for the job. The whole business must be kept on as amateurish and home-grown a level as mothering always, at its best, is.
The White House Mom may not have any party affiliation but must run on personal qualities and beliefs alone. Political issues not related to the White House Mom’s specific duties would not be allowed to be discussed in the election - questions such as opinions on security, abortion, crime, the environment, taxes, etc., would be entirely irrelevant to the job. The White House Mom’s task is purely to keep the brats in Washington in line and doing their jobs - which do involve dealing with the above political issues. Currently, there is no one in Washington preventing the administration, or the Congress and Senate for that matter, from neglecting its homework, running off to play with naughty corporations, starting gang wars, piling up bills on other people's credit cards, and fooling around with drugs, chemical weapons, and guns.
Above all, the White House Mom would see to it that politicians kept their election promises. What if George Bush actually was forced to be the “compassionate conservative” and “uniter, not divider” that he gleefully sold himself as before the election? “Now George, you know you promised. You get in there and do what you said you would do, and none of this slacking off just pretending to do it!”
The White House Mom would be the voice of ethics in a milieu that hasn’t the faintest conception of the meaning of the word. Maybe, after s/he knocked enough heads together enough times they would get the idea, and might eventually become ready to move out into the real world and act like real adults. As it is, I don’t think very many of them would survive for long without their current generous unearned allowances.
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